At some point, my family and I are most probably moving to the Netherlands.
We just don’t know when, or how much it will cost. And the price of tulips have surely gone up since the last time I visited.
So, with my favorite project recently completed, I figured I should join the ranks of countless Americans and start looking for a job. My resume resembled the explosion of a bullet point grenade, but after ten rounds of
natifs editing, I finally sent out my paper version of a Mentos commercial.
Within days, I got a few emails and calls. Wow, I felt like a million bucks, even if I didn’t have the bank account to back it up. After the initial ego high wore off, I noticed something very different since the last time I went looking for a job: it’s an employer’s market.
Several companies asked that I put together detailed presentations and PR strategies in less than 48 hours. Fair enough. It’s not like I had anything better to do.
I know I’m way out of line to even consider asking companies to treat people with respect when unemployment is at an all time high. However, I’d like to make a few suggestions to potential employers on the behalf of the meek everywhere:
- Don’t ask the candidate to write “sexy, edgy or hip” copy about your cat food, foreclosed condo building or men’s hair gel unless you want the words pussy, squatters and/or douche bag lingering just below the surface.
- Don’t practice syncopated rhythms with your water bottle during the candidate’s presentation.
- Don’t ask the candidate if the presentation on your hypothetical contest, selling an imaginary product, is a draft.
- Don’t abandon the candidate in the conference room and let the candidate “show herself out.”
- Don’t forget to be pleasant and say thank you no matter how moronic the candidate may have seemed. You may one day be struck with amoebiasis while traveling and she will be the only French/Spanish/English/Dutch translator within a 60 mile radius who knows how to explain your sexy, edgy and hip symptoms to a medical professional.
And to everyone in search of employment, I recommend you have a little catharsis on your person at all times. Remember: it’s your show.